


The Trip

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-24
Updated: 2011-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-26 12:15:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/283013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 'Lord of the Rings' premiers are over. Elijah is utterly exhausted and one very good friend is very, very worried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trip

Christmas Day.

  
The phone rang. Sean answered.  
"Hi."  
"Hi. Merry Christmas, baby."  
Silence for a moment.  
"The girls having a good day?"  
"Yes. More Ally than Lizzy."  
"Bought you a present, Sean."  
"Yeah? I love presents!"  
A soft laugh.  
"I know you do. Give it to you when I see you I guess."  
"Lij?"  
"Yeah?"  
"It'll be soon, baby."  
Silence.  
"Headed back for more Jeremiah?"  
"Yes."  
A sigh.  
"I have a gift for you, Lij. Wanna know what it is?"  
"Yeah."  
"A ticket."  
"Ticket?"  
"To Vancouver."  
Silence  
"I love you, Lij."  
A shaky breath.  
"I love you too, Seanie."  
"Come soon, love."

 

 _One Month Later_

Elijah fingered the ticket in his hand. It was a gift. A Christmas gift from a friend. He smiled slowly as the limo moved down the freeway toward the airport. He hadn't expected the limo. But when he woke up this morning, there had been an email waiting.

Date: Fri, 24, Jan 2003 19:49:49 +0100  
To: Elijah  
From: Sean  
Subject: Today…  
Morning, sunshine!  
Get up.  
Get packed.  
Go stand on your stoop and wait.  
I love you  
Sean

He'd smiled when he read the email, and done as it instructed. Shortly after he walked out onto the stoop, the limo had pulled up. There was a note lying in the back seat, written in Sean's handwriting.

> Hi, angel…
> 
> This is so you'll have something to read on your way to the airport so you don't fidget and play loud music and make the driver crazy. Oh, by the way, turn on the music…

Elijah did, and discovered that a ‘Radiohead’ CD was in the player. He smiled, thinking about how much Sean disliked ‘Radiohead’, and went back to the note…

> I wonder if you have any idea how much I miss you. How much I wish we could be together. How sorry I am for the times when we have to be apart. Oh, by the way, look in the compartment right under the TV.

Elijah did, and found an hourglass. He read some more...

> Did you look? That thing you’re holding in your hands? Someday we’re going to stand together and smash it into tiny pieces. On that day we’ll know we’re not on the clock anymore. We’ll know we have all the time in the world. I wait for that day, Lij. I long for it.
> 
> One last present before you get on the plane. Open the compartment next to the passenger door.

Elijah did, and found a huge Hershey’s chocolate kiss. He laughed and went back to the note…

> That’s to tide you over ‘til you get here. Once you’re in my arms you can throw that thing away. I have kisses for you that are a lot sweeter and I can’t wait to give them to you.
> 
> I love you, Lij. I’m aching to be with you.  
> Sean

Elijah sighed and looked out the window. He hadn’t seen Sean since the premieres. Chris was with him then and between her presence and the frenzy of reporters, interviews, and parties, there was no time at all for the two of them.

Except…

Elijah smiled, remembering a moment during the Paris premiere. He was dashing down a long hallway headed for interview number 58 when a huge hand reached out, captured him, and pulled him into a darkened room.

He was startled for a moment, then heard Sean’s voice whispering his name as his fingers brushed Elijah's cheek. Time suddenly stood still as Sean’s tongue slowly traced the outline of his lips, making him whimper. And finally… finally, and only after Sean had made him whimper for a very long time, he felt Sean’s lips crushing down on his.

They’d had only that moment and Elijah had been feeding off of it for weeks. But now he was on his way to Vancouver and for three entire days… Sean was his. Well… his and “Jeremiah”s.

He knew Sean would be shooting “Jeremiah” while he was there, but even if he only saw Sean an hour a day, it was an hour more than he would have had in LA. And then there were the nights. Those he would spend with his naked body snuggled tight against Sean’s naked body. And if he only had that and nothing more, he would still consider himself the luckiest man alive.

Elijah looked up as the limo pulled up at a private entrance to the departure area. Sean must have arranged this ahead of time because someone was already there to check his bags. He got out of the limo and turned to give the driver a tip. To his surprise, the driver was holding something out to him.

"Mr. Astin asked me to hand you this as you got out, Mr. Wood," he said. "And no tip, please. Mr. Astin already took care of it." He handed Elijah a folded up piece of paper that Elijah opened. There were two words scrawled on it in Sean’s handwriting: "Two hours." The length of time it took to fly from LA to Vancouver.

Elijah pressed the note to his lips, then glanced up to see a flight attendant standing in the doorway. His luggage was gone. "This way, Mr. Wood."

He followed the flight attendant down a short hallway, through a security check, and then through the door she indicated. He found himself standing on the ramp leading to the airplane. "Right this way, Mr. Wood. Your seat is all ready for you."

Elijah laughed out loud. "You people have a lot of secrets," he said, grinning at the flight attendant. "What’s your name?" he asked.

She grinned back. "I’m Alice, Mr. Wood."

"Call me Elijah," he replied, following her down the ramp to the airplane’s door. No one else was on the airplane.

"We’ll be boarding everyone else in a few minutes," she told him, ushering him in and leading him to the first class seat just inside the door. The one with the extra leg room. "Mr. Astin arranged this seat for you," she told him, pointing to the seat. "He also bought a ticket for the seat next to you so you wouldn’t be disturbed."

"My God!" he said, shaking his head. "Is there anything he didn’t think of?"

Alice smiled at him. "He also sent a special meal for you, Mr. Wood."

"Elijah," he said starting to sit down. "Special meal?"

"Don’t sit on your note!" she said, grabbing his arm.

Elijah stood back up quickly and saw an envelope on his seat. His name was scrawled on it in Sean’s handwriting. He picked it up and looked at it in awe, shaking his head. Then he looked back to Alice. "Special meal?" he asked again.

She grinned at him. "Mr. Astin had a special meal delivered for you."

Elijah laughed aloud. "And just what did the amazing Mr. Astin send me?"

"Well," she replied, turning toward the kitchen area, "I do believe part of it is something your mom made." Elijah followed her into the kitchen. She lifted a tray and turned to show Elijah. "Potato salad," she told him, lifting the cover so Elijah could see. "And there’s this…" she said, lifting a rather large tray. "I’m to heat this up for you as soon as we reach cruising altitude."

Elijah lifted the cover and laughed out loud again. "Oh my god! It’s 'Fajitas De Pollo' from the 'Mexician Village'!" He looked up at Alice. "It’s one of my favorite restaurants in LA. He and I have eaten there a few times."

The other passengers were starting to board the airplane so Elijah returned to his seat. He quickly opened Sean’s note.

> Hi, Baby…
> 
> You’ll be taking off soon. Right now I’m on the “Jeremiah” set and I’m absolutely sure that I’m blowing my lines because I can’t stop thinking about the fact that you’ll be here in two hours or so. Here. With me. Where I can touch you. Makes my stomach flip over just to think about it.
> 
> I had a few treats sent to the plane for you, but I’m saving all the really good stuff for when we’re together. I took tomorrow off, so we’ll have the whole day. Think about what you might want to do... though I wouldn’t mind just staying home.
> 
> Yes. Staying home. In front of the fire. Like the trip we took to Stinson Beach. Remember that, babe? Think about that while you’re flying to me today. Think about that, Elijah.
> 
> 2 hours, Lij. I’ll be there to meet you. 2 hours.
> 
> I love you…  
> Sean

Elijah smiled and put Sean's note in his pocket next to the other notes Sean had left him today. He thought about their trip to Stinson Beach…

Chris and Ally had gone to Indiana to visit her parents and would be gone for a whole week. Elijah basked in the light of Sean's undivided attention like a flower basks in the Sun's light and warmth after a long night of bitter darkness. He opened, he blossomed, he thrived.

Sean had driven them up from Los Angeles and rented a small cottage on the ocean. They were determined to close themselves in for a long weekend.

After shopping, they went to the cottage, closed the door, and didn't emerge until it was time to make the long drive back to LA. He thought of Sean's note: 'In front of the fire.’ And his mind drifted back to that long weekend.

> Remembering…
> 
> Sean lay face down on the plush rug in front of the fireplace, wearing a pair of very brief bikini underpants. Elijah had bought them as a tease when this trip was being planned, and he'd had to beg, plead, implore, and resort to some totally inexcusable (according to Sean) sexual coquetry in order to get Sean into them.
> 
> He'd maneuvered Sean in front of the fire. To Elijah's chagrin,however, Sean had flopped onto the plush rug face-down, hiding the oh-so-delicious sight of his very noteworthy 'package' in its scanty container of sage-colored silk. Elijah was determined to change that situation... and soon.
> 
> He watched as the glow from the flames turned Sean's body to bronze. Finally, unable to bear anymore, he stripped his own clothes off and lay down beside Sean, leaning over to kiss his shoulder.
> 
> "Mmm," Sean murmured in appreciation. "God, that's nice." He nestled his body more deeply against the rug, and as he did so Elijah watched the muscles of his broad shoulders and back ripple slightly. He skated his fingertips slowly down Sean's spine, smiling when he heard Sean moan softly. Elijah's fingers moved just as slowly back up and lingered for a moment at the back of his neck, brushing against the soft hair at his nape.
> 
> "Lijah," Sean breathed. He whimpered and Elijah saw him thrust his hips slightly as if he were rubbing his silk-covered cock against the softness of the rug beneath him.
> 
> Elijah leaned down and breathed softly against the same spot on the back of Sean's neck, then tentatively brushed the tip of his tongue against the soft skin there. This time there was no doubt about Sean's reaction. He moaned low in his throat and thrust his hips again, pushing his cock against the rug.
> 
> "Hey," Elijah whispered, laughing softly. "No fair. That belongs to me."
> 
> "Hey yourself, " Sean murmured. "If you want it, come and claim it. I won't last long with that mouth of yours driving me mad."
> 
> Elijah sat up and tugged on Sean's scanty briefs and after only a moment’s hesitation Sean turned over and lifted his hips to remove them. The sight of Sean's chest and belly and cock in the firelight was enough to make Elijah whimper. However, he had something else in mind as well.
> 
> "Turn back over," he whispered to Sean. "Over on your stomach."  
> Sean did, and Elijah immediately lay down on top of him, pressing his cock against Sean's buttocks. He glided his mouth over Sean's shoulders, letting his tongue draw a wet line to the back of his neck, where the wet line changed to random, teasing patters that made Sean moan and arch his body again.
> 
> Elijah began moving downward, licking Sean's back, running his fingertips across Sean's shoulders. His tongue lapped wetly down Sean's spine, stopping now and then to nibble on his firm skin. Sean's arms were stretched out in front of him and his fingers clawed gently at the nap of the plush rug.
> 
> Elijah heard him moan softly with every exhalation; even with Elijah on top of him, Sean's body undulated sensually against the rug below him. Elijah crawled lower, licking across Sean's lower back, caressing his skin with the soft, full lips Sean loved. His fingertips glided down Sean's sides and he saw Sean shudder as goose bumps swept over his body.
> 
> "Lijah," Sean whimpered. "Lij, please. Please let me roll over. Need to... need to… "
> 
> "Oh, no you don't," Elijah interrupted. "Not yet. Lijah's not done here yet."
> 
> He scooted down even further, until his body was between Sean's thighs and his face was level with Sean's rounded ass. He smiled, thinking how beautiful Sean's body was and how much he loved touching that body until Sean writhed and begged him for release.
> 
> He leaned forward and licked delicately down the cleft of Sean's ass, while his fingers drew smooth circles on each cheek.
> 
> Sean's moaned louder, his body thrusting convulsively with every movement of Elijah's tongue and fingers.
> 
> "Lij!" he cried. "Please. I can't… I need… Lijah, please."
> 
> Elijah's teeth scraped across Sean's ass, nibbling gently. On impulse, he lowered his head and licked Sean slowly all the way up and over his rounded backside and up his back to the nape of his neck. Hearing Sean’s whimpers, he licked his way back down again, but teased by moving more slowly.
> 
> His tongue brushed crease where Sean's leg and rounded butt conjoined. Then he lowered his head and licked at the soft patch of skin just behind Sean's balls. Sean cried out loudly. His body jerked and Elijah heard him inhale sharply
> 
> "Oh!" Sean cried out again. "God, Elijah! There! Jeeeesus... There!"
> 
> Elijah lapped again, feeling aching desire sweep through him with the passion of Sean's response. He lifted his head.
> 
> "More, Sean?" he asked him, his voice husky. "Want more?"
> 
> Sean's hips thrust rhythmically against the rug; he moaned again and again. "God, Lij," he whimpered. "Yes! YES! Ohhhh! There. Lick there!"
> 
> Elijah slowed his pace, just gliding the tip of his tongue up and down the soft patch of skin that drove Sean so insane with desire. He heard a hungry, whimpering cry pour from Sean's throat and felt his body hunch again and again.
> 
> Elijah sat up and pushed on Sean's thigh, trying to roll him over. "Oh, no you don’t!" Elijah cried. "Don't you dare come without me, Astin!"
> 
> Sean was sitting up and reaching in seconds. He grabbed Elijah hard, pulling him into his arms and down on top of his body. Elijah was between his thighs, and Sean raised his knees and pressed them against Elijah's body, moaning. Elijah's hand dropped and he grasped both their cocks in his hand, stroking… first gently, then harder and faster.
> 
> Sean's fingers dug hard into Elijah's back then his hands moved up to capture Elijah's face. "Baby," he moaned, pulling Elijah's mouth to his. He ran his tongue over Elijah's lips and then nibbled his lower lip gently. He heard Elijah moan softly and gasp and he pulled Elijah forward and kissed him harder, deeper, feeling their teeth click together.
> 
> Sean's legs wrapped around Elijah's body, pressing him closer. He thrust his hips, aching with the feeling of Elijah's cock pressed hard against his and felt Elijah twist in his arms, his body writhing against Sean's, their cocks still grasped in tight in his hand.
> 
> Their bodies strained toward the final moment of ecstasy, and Elijah cried out repeatedly in shattering release. Sean's hands clutched his shoulders, his mouth buried against Elijah's neck, moaning his name as his body shuddered.
> 
> When they could breathe again, Elijah went to the bathroom and brought back towels and warm, wet washcloths; he cleaned them both off in the flickering light of the fire.
> 
> As he did, he looked up and saw Sean leaning on an elbow watching him. His head was tilted, his eyes were burnished and inflamed with barely restrained passion, his body shone tawny in the firelight. And Elijah tossed the washcloth aside and moved, quickly, into his lover's arms.

He looked out the window and wondered absently when they had taken off. He'd been so lost in memory that he'd missed it completely. He looked at his watch and sighed. They still had a long ways to go. At least and hour and a half. Maybe he could sleep.

He closed his eyes and thought about how difficult the past few months had been for him, and how grateful he was to have so many loving friends in his life. Elijah didn't really like 'Two Towers'. Didn't really like what it did to Frodo and to his relationship with Sam. He hated seeing Frodo's gentleness and engaging intelligence fade under the ring's influence.

It was hard to hold a party line that required him to heap constant praise. It was hard to repeatedly be faced with the: 'Were Sam and Frodo gay?’ question. It was hard to be always on the move, partying, running for airplanes, wandering around in hotels and motels, striving to be good-natured even in the face of the most ridiculous and intrusive questions about his life. Elijah was tired. Elijah was very tired.

One pair of eyes had seen it happening. One anxious mind had perceived his weariness. And one very loving heart had worried itself sick.

Sean had watched Elijah with an ever-growing sense of dismay. He could see how much the PR hype bothered his young co-star. And he was more stricken every day by how pale and ill Elijah looked. His active, vibrant energy had slowly turned into an unsettled nervousness that made Sean's heart ache.

At one point during the Paris premiere rush, Sean had found him sitting outside in the dark, face buried in his hands, crying. When Sean begged him for an explanation, Elijah could give none beyond simply being tired to the bone. Sean had wrapped his coat around Elijah and gone back inside briefly to have a conversation with Chris. Once she was safely in a cab, Sean had scooped Elijah up, taken him back to his hotel, and tucked him quickly into bed.

The room phone was turned off, as was Elijah's cell phone. Mr. Wood was unavailable for the rest of the night. Unable to shake his uneasiness, Sean lay by Elijah's side, spooned against his body, and stroked the velvety softness of his freshly shaven head until he had drifted off to sleep. At that moment this trip entered the planning stages where the full kinetic force of the 'Sean Astin loves you and is worried sick about you' energy was brought to bear. It remained in that state until Elijah's plane took off a half-hour ago.

Elijah only picked at the huge meal that had been sent to him, then dozed for the rest of the flight to Vancouver. When Alice nudged him and asked that he return his seat to an upright position, he shook himself awake and glanced out the window. The Vancouver landscape filled his eyes. He recognized it at once, of course, from his time here while filming 'Try Seventeen'. He spotted the long pier where the ships bound for Alaska docked during the summer months, and the mountain ranges beyond.

As soon as they landed, Alice appeared at his elbow. "If you'll come this way, Mr. Wood."

"Elijah," he corrected, grabbing the bag he'd carried on board.

As soon as the airplane door opened, she led him down the ramp and out a side door that led to a flight of stairs. "Don't worry about your luggage," she told him. "It's being picked up."

"Don't tell me," Elijah said with a giggle. "Mr. Astin already took care of it."

She giggled back. "You got it." She considered for a moment. "He must be a really nice man."

Elijah smiled. "The nicest."

They went down the stairs, through a long tunnel, around a corner, and out a door that led to a narrow street. There was a blue Ford Focus parked next to the curb, and leaning against it was a very familiar and very thin figure.

Elijah smiled again.

"Oh, Cabbie!" he yelled.

Sean looked up and saw him and his face lit with a radiance that tightened Elijah's throat. There was no one else on Earth, Elijah thought, who looked quite that overjoyed to see him.

Sean moved toward him at once and, after only the slightest glance at Alice, swept Elijah into his arms and held him tight. Elijah could feel his body trembling, and realized that it was echoing Sean’s. His fingers clenched involuntary in Sean’s jacket, clutching him. For a long moment they stood there without a word while Sean rocked Elijah gently in his arms.

"Hey," Elijah said softly.

"Hey, yourself," Sean murmured. He released Elijah with obvious reluctance, his fingertips trailing down Elijah’s cheek. Then he turned to Alice and smiled. "Thanks for taking care of him." He handed her an envelope.

"Mr. Astin, you don’t have to…" she began. But Sean just smiled and shook his head. Elijah hugged her and thanked her. Then they both turned toward the car.

Elijah mugged and pointed at the Focus. "Oooo! Cool wheels, dude!"

"Just never mind," Sean told him dryly. "I took a gross ton of flack over the Nav ad. I’m not taking any more chances."

They climbed in and Sean guided the car into traffic and began winding through the city streets. "Good flight?" Sean asked him quietly.

"Well, yeah!" Elijah said, grinning. "Someone got me the cushiest seat on the plane and set me up with a totally amazing meal to boot. What’s not good?"

Sean turned and smiled at him. "The Astin ‘treatment’. That’s what you’re getting this weekend, wanker."

Elijah leaned toward him and reached for his hand. "Thanks, Seanie," he said quietly.

Sean’s fingers intertwined with his. "It’s nothing. Just a tiny taste of what you deserve."

Elijah leaned his head against the back of the seat and sighed. He was tired. More tired than he had let on to anyone, especially Sean. Not even his time in New Zealand and the exhausting work they’d done there had left him feeling this… used up. In New Zealand, though, there had merely been hard work, not the kind of stress he was dealing with now.

Sean wound his way expertly through the side streets of Vancouver. Elijah spotted Loco Road then Sean wheeled the car onto what looked like a numbered street. "Where are we?" he asked, curious. He had come to know Vancouver fairly well while filming ‘Try Seventeen’.

"The other side of the waterfront," Sean told him, turning into the driveway of a huge, three-story house. "I don’t know if you were ever here. You shot further north I thought."

Elijah nodded and climbed out of the Focus. "Yeah," he told Sean. "Up around Brackendale."

Sean grabbed Elijah's carry-on bag, and motioned toward the back yard. They had only taken a few steps when the front door to the house opened and an elderly lady waved at Sean. "Mr. Astin! Oh, Mr. Astin!"

Sean walked toward the porch and smiled. "Hi, Ida. What’s up?"

“The airport called. Your friend’s luggage will be delivered in an hour or sol” Sean blew her a kiss. “Thanks, cutie.”

Elijah laughed as she blushed and waved at Sean, obviously flustered. “Mr. Astin!” she said laughing. Sean grinned and waved back as she went back into the house. Then he walked toward Elijah pointing toward the back. “Around here, Lij.”

They climbed a flight of stairs that led to Sean’s second floor entrance and Sean unlocked the door. He ushered Elijah inside and set his bag down. They were in the kitchen of Sean’s apartment. It was all bright colors and comfort.

"I like this," Elijah murmured.

Sean smiled and took his arm. He led Elijah down a small hallway into a large living room.

"Jeez, Sean," Elijah gazed around him at the spacious yet cozy room. "This is nice." The furniture was the kind of overstuffed leather that absolutely begged you to snuggle down in it. Sean moved to kneel in front of a small gas fireplace.

"Sit," Sean said over his shoulder. "I just want to get this going." He turned a valve and suddenly soft firelight flickered against the wall. "Yeah," Sean said appreciatively. The he turned to Elijah who was still standing behind him watching. "Sit, buddy. Relax."

Elijah sank down into the couch, feeling it wrap around him like a pair of warm arms. "Oh my god!" he laughed. "This is comfy!"

Sean laughed back. "Yeah. Almost too comfy. I sit there staring at the fire and my treadmill gets forgotten because I don’t wanna move." He moved to sit on the floor at Elijah’s feet and lifted a remote control from an end table. "Some music?" Sean asked, and hit a button.

The room suddenly filled with the sound of Enya.

Elijah smiled down at him. "Jesus, I’m so glad to be with you."

Sean pulled Elijah's shoes off. "And I’m so glad you’re here." The socks came off next, and he began massaging Elijah's left foot. His strong fingers wrapped around it, firmly stroking the top with his thumbs.

Elijah sighed deeply and leaned back against the couch. "God, Sean. That feels so good."

"Just relax," Sean murmured. He changed the pressure point and let his fingers stroke slowly, firmly, from toe to ankle. He saw Elijah's body relax into the couch almost as though he were melting, and smiled. His massage was working.

He lifted Elijah’s foot up and sat it on his knee. With his thumb, he massaged the sole with small, gentle, circular motions. He repeated the motions for each toe, and then moved to Elijah’s other foot and massaged it as well.

Elijah felt his entire body unwinding under the influence of Sean’s soothing fingers. His attentions to Elijah’s feet were hypnotic and Elijah again sighed deeply, letting his body go limp’?

"God in heaven, Sean," he murmured. "Where did you learn to do this? It’s fucking amazing."

Sean looked up from rubbing Elijah’s right foot and smiled. "Oh, just a little something I picked up along the way." He looked at Elijah. "Here, Lij. Take this off." He stood up and helped Elijah remove his jacket, then walked into the kitchen.

When he returned he handed Elijah a glass of white wine and sat his own glass down on the end table. "Drink this while I do your feet. It’ll make it that much nicer."

Elijah sipped his wine and watched Sean as he began to rub his feet again. No one had ever done this for him before and he was amazed by how good it felt. He was also surprised to discover that the feeling of Sean’s fingers caressing his feet was becoming more erotic with every move he made.

He squirmed a bit on the couch and Sean glanced up. "Problem?" he asked, smiling softly.

Elijah smiled back. "I don’t know that I’d call it a problem."

Sean gently sat Elijah’s foot on the floor and moved forward, his hands sliding slowly up Elijah's legs until they came to rest on either side of Elijah’s body. "You like that?" he asked, his face mere inches from Elijah’s.

"Very much," Elijah whispered. "No one ever did that for me before."

Sean moved forward even further and brushed his lips across Elijah’s. He heard Elijah gasp. Heard himself whimper. He was astounded by the shock wave of aching desire that shot through his groin. He lowered his head and backed away slightly, feeling Elijah’s fingers on either side of his face.

"Sean," Elijah breathed. "What's wrong?"

Sean shook his head, leaning forward again until he felt his face graze Elijah’s. "I don’t want…" his voice wavered and fell silent.

"Don’t want what?" Elijah asked urgently. His fingers lifted Sean's face until their eyes locked. The tenderness of Sean's gaze was almost more than Elijah could bear, and for a moment he struggled to catch his breath.

"What don't you want?" he asked again.

Sean's fingers moved down his cheek so gently that Elijah barely felt their touch. "I don't want you to think that anything that happens here this weekend is about… sex."

Elijah smiled. "Sex?" he whispered in pretend shock. "Are we going to have sex?"

Sean smiled back. "Well, you know what I mean. It's not about that. Not about making love. It's about you resting. It's about you getting better."

Elijah stared silently into his flaxen-green eyes.

"Lij," Sean whispered throatily, trying to lower his head. "Lijah, please."

"Isn't it just possible," Elijah whispered, forcing Sean's eyes to his, "That making love with you is only thing on Earth that can truly heal me?"

Sean's hands moved to cover Elijah's as they held his face. "I guess that's possible," he whispered.

"More than possible," Elijah whispered back. He raised his hands to run his fingers through Sean's soft brown curls and shivered as he felt two wide palms run up his arms to his shoulders.

"Unless," Elijah breathed, "Seanie, unless you don't want…"

Sean moaned softly and leaned against him; his face brushed Elijah's cheek, his breath warmed his neck. "Don't," he moaned. "Jesus, Elijah, just…" A choppy breath. "… Don't."

Elijah bit his lip and clenched his fingers in Sean's hair. He pressed his face against the shoulder of Sean's sweater, inhaling his sweet scent. When he lifted his head and tried to speak, Sean cut him short.

"Don't, Elijah," He begged, his voice husky. "Don't say anything. I don't know if… "

Sean body was quaking with desire, but the touch of his fingers as they moved from Elijah's shoulders to his neck to his face was silken.

"If… what?" Elijah asked.

Sean looked at him mutely. His fingers trembled against Elijah's face. His eyes kindled amber. “If… I could… stop," he murmured softly.

"Want to ravish me here on the rug?" Elijah teased gently, his fingers still moving through Sean's curls.

Sean said nothing, but his face nuzzled Elijah's neck as if he were seeking a hiding place. Elijah laughed softly.

"Sean," he murmured slowly, drawing his name out like a beloved mantra. "I know why you gave me this trip. I know it's not about sex. I know the love that's in everything you do for me. But don't YOU know how much I need you?"

Sean kissed his throat, his fingers tugging on the collar of his T-shirt, moving it aside to lick at the soft hollow there. His arms wound around Elijah's body and pulled him close.

After a moment, Elijah eased Sean's head back and stroked his cheek.

"Can't be comfy down there," he said, indicating where Sean was kneeling on the floor. "Come sit on this cozy couch with me."

Sean sat next to Elijah. For a long moment he simply looked into his eyes, then gently and slowly Sean lifted Elijah's chin with the tip of his finger until Elijah's face was uplifted towards his. "Elijah, oh god, Elijah, you are so beautiful." Elijah's lips parted as he gasped; his fingers locked in Sean's hair.

Still holding Elijah's chin in his hand, Sean dipped his head as though he was going to kiss him. Instead, he closed his eyes and very softly and slowly brushed his lips across Elijah's. His lips continued their journey, moving across Elijah's cheek where he tenderly inhaled the scent of his skin. "You smell so good. So sweet." He slowly came back to Elijah's lips and just barely touched them with his own, looking into Elijah's eyes once more.

"Sean," Elijah whispered. "My god, Seanie. How could you want to keep this from me?" He was spellbound by the tenderness of Sean's love. He felt as though he were drowning in bliss. The feeling was euphoric, and Elijah yielded to it completely.

Sean's tongue slowly traced the outline of Elijah's lower lip, then his upper lip. "Lijah, I love you so much," Sean whispered. He closed his eyes again and slowly kissed Elijah, very gently. Gasping quietly, he pulled away for an instant, and then captured Elijah's lips again, inhaling his breath, pressing harder against his mouth. Hearing Elijah moan, Sean kissed him fully, deeply, the tip of his tongue teasing the tip of Elijah's.

"Taste me," Elijah breathed. "Oh, taste me, Sean."

Sean's tongue caressed the underside of Elijah's tongue then the tip again. "Oh God, Lij," he breathed. "Kissing you drives me mad."

Elijah's hands dropped to the hem of Sean's sweater and tugged. "Off," he gritted, teeth clenched. "Take this off."

Sean pulled his sweater over his head, his T-shirt following at once. Then he tugged on the hem of Elijah's. "Same to ya," he whispered with a grin.

Elijah ripped his T-shirt off and threw it behind the couch. Then he turned to Sean. "Stand up a minute." As soon as Sean did, Elijah wheeled around until he was lying on the couch. He held his arms out to Sean and smiled. "Now. C'mere, you."

Sean slowly lowered himself until he was lying on the wide, leather couch half beside Elijah, half on top of him. Elijah heard him whimper softly when their chests touched skin to skin, and his own eyes closed as raw pleasure flamed through his veins.

"Sean," he whispered. "Seanie." He turned sideways, pressing still more of his body against Sean's. After a moment he leaned back and lowered his head to kiss the warm skin of Sean's wonderfully muscled chest. Sean's hand cupped the back of his head. He pressed Elijah's face against his body, and for a moment Elijah could feel Sean's heart beating against his lips.

He lifted his arms and wrapped them around Sean's neck; as he did, he felt one of Sean's hands drop from his head to his waist. Moments later Sean was opening the snap of Elijah's jeans and tugging on the zipper until it slowly unzipped. His fingers inched under the waistband of Elijah's briefs and stroked his belly gently. They moved slowly over Elijah's tattoo, then inched even lower.

Elijah gasped. "God!" He lifted his hips. "Sean. Take them off me. Please. Take them off me."

Sean stood up long enough to pull Elijah's jeans and briefs off. Then he paused for a moment as if thinking.

"Sean?" Elijah whispered, questioningly.

Sean shook his head and pulled his own jeans and briefs off. He threw them on top of Elijah's and then lay back down next to him on the couch.

"It's nothing.'" he murmured. "Nothing."

"Sean." Elijah said slowly, clearly skeptical.

"Shhhh." Sean whispered, pulling Elijah close to him. "Shhhh. Just hush. Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking that once I lay back down here, there would be no way on Earth that I could stop." He ducked his head in embarrassment. "And it worried me a bit."

Elijah stroked his hair. "Why would you worry?" he whispered. "I want this, Sean. I need it. Feeling you this close to me is…” He let his voice trail off and shook his head. "I can't think of a word that would work."

Sean's fingers glided up and down Elijah's arm, then moved slowly up and over his shoulder. He heard Elijah moan softly and slowed, moving his hand down over Elijah's chest, then lower to the soft skin of his belly. He heard Elijah's breath slowly turn to breathless urgent gasps interspersed with whimpers that turned Sean's body to molten fire.

He slid off the couch and knelt beside it, shaking his head when Elijah tried to pull him back up. "No, no. Not now. In a minute. Let me be here for a bit."

Sean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Elijah's hip... then moved them slowly up his side, leaving a wet trail with his tongue. He heard Elijah gasp and smiled. "I love this," he whispered against his skin. "God, I love it." The sight of Elijah's aroused body spread out before him on the couch was almost enough to make him come. Elijah's chest rose and fell with a desperate rhythm and his hips and legs moved restlessly.

Sean was reminded of an altar, and for a moment the thought of Elijah as an offering flashed through his mind. His hands skated over Elijah's body, moving slowly, fingertips barely touching him. Elijah's cries were an aphrodisiac and Sean added the touch of his lips and tongue to the gentle movement of his hands ghosting over Elijah's skin.

He kissed Elijah's nipples while his fingertips caressed every other part of Elijah's body that he could reach. He closed his eyes and lost himself to everything except the feeling of Elijah's skin. Its porcelain beauty was echoed in its smooth, satiny feel. He focused every ounce of his consciousness on what his senses were experiencing.

Smell. Elijah's scent was like nothing else on Earth. Sean could find him in the dark. All cloves and tang and something with a hint of ginger. He breathed Elijah in, wishing he could absorb his very essence.

Taste. Sean liked nothing better on Earth than running his tongue over Elijah's body. The intensity of Elijah's response would have been enough. He whimpered Sean's name and arched his body in a frenzy of yearning that made Sean struggle for control. But even more irresistible was the taste of his body. To Sean, his skin tasted like ambrosia. Immortal food. And he, once again, was reminded of an altar. Something sacred.

A line from a Peter Gabriel song ran through his mind: "In your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches.” Sean knew the deep spiritual quality that imbued their love making. The transcendent feeling it had always given him. Yet, at the same time, it offered something so sensual and earthy that he could almost taste the desire that streamed through his veins like liquid fire.

His tongue circled Elijah's navel and the taste of him filled Sean's mouth and Sean's mind. He knew, even while realizing how irrational it was, that he could have this food and none other and be nourished.

Sound. Sean smiled against Elijah's body. Sound. Making love to Elijah was like playing a musical instrument. The right touch in the right spot, and he was engulfed in the most wonderful sounds he'd ever heard. Beautiful sounds. The sound of Elijah moaning and whimpering. The sound of Elijah crying out his name in a way that took Sean's breath. The sound of Elijah breathing in little gasps saying “Oh! Oh! Oh!" with every breath. And the best sound of all, Elijah's hoarse whisper: "Oh. Close. Oh god. So close."

Sean lay his hand flat against Elijah's belly and began moving it in slow circles. His face fell forward until his lips touched Elijah's cock. He moved his head from side to side, his lips caressing up and down Elijah’s swollen erection. Elijah's hand fell hard onto Sean's hair, fingers clenching in the curls. Then the sounds started and Sean smiled.

"Ahhh!" Elijah cried, his body arching upward. "Oh god. Sean."

Sean’s strong hands held him down as he let his lips move up and down the length of Elijah’s cock. His tongue quickly followed. Licking. Flicking. Laving. Elijah’s lower body was held firm, but his upper body thrashed and he moaned with every breath. "Please. Please hurry."

Sean’s hand moved slowly from Elijah’s belly to his chest, still making soft, slow circles. His fingers moved over sensitive nipples and Elijah cried out his pleasure, his chest arching upward, seeking Sean’s fingers.

Sean whimpered and his eyes slowly closed. His breath quaked in his chest and he suddenly gripped the couch, trying desperately to hold back his own orgasm. Elijah was crying his name over and over again and Sean knew that neither of them could last much longer. He lifted his head to smile slowly at his young lover. Then he quickly lowered it and slid Elijah’s cock deep into his mouth, sucking hard as he allowed it to withdraw.

Elijah’s hand desperately clawed the air as Sean’s reached up to grasp it. His other hand stroked Elijah’s cock and his mouth lowered itself upon it yet again. He heard Elijah’s high-pitched cry as he sucked hard on the sensitive head, his tongue swirling around it softly.

Elijah’s fingers closed over his with crushing force; in the next instant Elijah’s cock throbbed and Sean felt hot come fill his mouth. He swallowed, feeling a moment of almost ridiculous bliss. Part of Elijah was inside him. Part of his body. And in a way that gave Elijah pleasure so intense that he was still crying out. Still clutching at Sean’s hand. His eyes burned with tears of gratitude and he pressed his face against the soft skin of Elijah’s belly.

After a moment Sean moved up the couch and gathered Elijah into his arms. Elijah silently moved over and Sean lay back down on the couch with Elijah’s head resting on his shoulder.

"Hey, you," he whispered.

"Oh god, Seanie." Elijah’s voice was a husky whisper and his body still trembled.

Sean curved around him, his big hands moving to soothe Elijah’s back. His voice tender against Elijah’s ear. "You’re wonderful. So wonderful."

"I’m wonderful?" Elijah questioned. "All I did was lie here and get taken to Paradise. You’re the one who’s wonderful. Jesus, Sean! I’ve never felt anything like that before."

Sean smiled down on him. "You ready to go upstairs to bed, little hobbit?"

"Just a minute, here," Elijah murmured. His hand moved, his fingers gently tracing patterns against the soft fleece of Sean’s chest. Then it dropped lower, moving gently against Sean’s belly, making Sean gasp and close his eyes. And then lower yet, to stroke down the length of Sean’s cock.

"Oh," Sean breathed softly.

"Seems to me," Elijah said quietly, "that certain people didn’t get fully satisfied yet. It does seem that way, Sean Astin. You know we can’t have that now."

Sean laughed and grabbed at Elijah’s hand. "You don’t have to do that. I’m fine. I wanted tonight to be just for you." He leaned down, kissed Elijah’s mouth softly, and then breathed against it: "Just for you."

Elijah turned sideways and pressed his body against Sean’s, his hand between them, grasping Sean’s cock. "Oh no," he said quietly. "Not just for me. For my beloved too."

Sean was whimpering and clutching Elijah’s body, his breath a series of breathless gasps. He was almost panting. "Lij!" he whimpered. "Lij. Lij... Oh, Lij."

Elijah’s hand moved in a rhythm as ancient as time. He tried to pull free of Sean’s enclosing arms to move down further on the couch. He wanted to return the favor that Sean had just given him but Sean wouldn’t permit it. He caught Elijah in his arms and held him tight. "No. No, Lijah. Just for you. Only you."

Elijah looked up at him, resisting for a moment.

"Please, Elijah," Sean entreated quietly.

Relenting, Elijah leaned forward and dropped kiss after kiss onto Sean's open mouth. Their tongues brushed together lightly, teasingly, and all the while Elijah's hand never stopped moving.

He grasped hard and pumped as rough and dirty as he could. He stroked gently, lightly, barely touching. His thumb tortured the head of Sean's straining erection until Sean whimpered and pleaded for release. As he felt Sean's body begin to tremble violently, his fingers teased and tortured the underside of his cock.

Sean had never had a more amazing experience in his life. Elijah turned a simple 'hand-job' into the most varied and exquisite sexual experience imaginable. He stroked Sean's balls, touching deep, tender places between Sean's legs that drove him half-mad with desire. Again and again he took Sean to the edge of release, and then slowed or stopped his hand's movements.

Sean's body was drenched in sweat and writhing against the couch when Elijah finally took him over the edge. Sean groaned in blissful agony as he came, wildly crying out Elijah's name again and again.

For a very long time after they simply lay on the couch holding each other. Eventually they stopped gasping for air. Eventually their heart rates returned to something approaching normal.

Elijah’s head was cradled on Sean’s chest, his hand next to his face. As he breathed in Sean’s scent, his fingers moved aimlessly in the soft mat of chest hair. "Mmmmm," he murmured. "God you feel so good." His voice was sleepy and Sean smiled.

"Want to go upstairs, little hobbit?"

Elijah nodded, and Sean twisted his body to stand up, catching Elijah's wrist as he did to pull him up at the same time. They stood for a moment looking at each other, then both of them laughed. "Uh. Shower? You think?" Sean said with a grin.

"Think so. Yeah," Elijah agreed.

They wandered up the stairs with their arms around each other. Still half-dreamy from their lovemaking. Feeling sleepy as well from their long day.

Sean turned on the water and when it was cozily warm, got in and pulled Elijah in behind him. He grabbed a natural sponge and squirted shower gel on it. Then he lathered Elijah's body from head to toe. Elijah sighed, luxuriating in the feeling. But when he moved to put his arms around Sean's neck, his lover eased him back.

"Nope.'

"Nope, you say?" Elijah said, grinning.

"Nope, I say," Sean replied, grinning back. "We're for bed and sleep, my love."

"Awwww," Elijah teased.

"God, Lij!" Sean said, rinsing him off. "I don't think I could!"

Elijah grabbed the sponge and lathered Sean's body. "Wore you out, did I?" he quipped, running the sponge over Sean's chest.

Sean's eyes were closed but he opened them and smiled at Elijah, watching him through sleepy eyes. "Kinda. Yeah. Why? You up for more, little hobbit?"

Elijah smiled and ran first the sponge, then his fingers over Sean's abs, loving the feeling of his strong, lean body. Then he lifted his head to meet Sean's eyes and smiled at the question. "Up for it?" he grinned. "I'm always up, big hobbit." He pointed down his body and Sean's eyes followed. Elijah was, indeed, 'up'.

Sean laughed and stepped out of the shower with Elijah right behind him.

"So you are," he said, wrapping Elijah in a thick, warm towel. "But tonight we sleep."

He towel-dried his hair while Elijah explored the bedroom, then dried off quickly and threw on a pair of sweat pants. He grabbed a second pair out of the closet. "Want some?" he asked Elijah.

"Yeah," Elijah grinned. "I love sleeping in your sweats."

Sean tossed them to him and watched him put them on. Seconds later they were both climbing into bed. Elijah leaned on his elbow and gazed quietly at Sean for a long time before twisting around to turn off the bedside lamp.

Sean breathed a quiet sigh of relief. The scrutiny of those astonishing eyes was hard to bear. He always wanted to say something. Do something. Make any move that would break the spell that Elijah's reflection created. It was very hard for Sean to simply remain still and accept it peacefully. He was mortally afraid that he'd do or say something stupid if he let it go on too long. Stupid and impossibly sappy. Or worse yet, stupid and impossibly reckless.

He held his arms out to Elijah. "C’mere, sweetie. Let me hold you."

Elijah moved into his arms as if he'd only been waiting for Sean's words of invitation. "God, yes," he murmured. "I want.. need.. to be here."

Sean nodded and pressed Elijah's body tight against his. Elijah's head fell onto Sean's shoulder and his hands crept up between their chests and rested there. His whole body nestled into Sean as though he had found all the safety and comfort in the world.

Elijah fell asleep in moments, as he always did, but Sean stared for a long time at the far wall of the darkened room. His fingers moved slowly up and down Elijah's spine. Soothing, comforting, not caring at all that the object of his tender caresses was sound asleep. He stared, and he thought. Thought of the young man held so close in his arms. Thought of the wife and two daughters far away in Los Angeles. Thought of the choices he would have to make one day.

After a long time, Sean slept.

Elijah woke up the next morning to unfamiliar sounds. The ticking of Sean’s bedside clock. The soft, far-away sound of music. Elijah sat up in bed and frowned, struggling to hear the song, then smiled in recognition as he heard Sean’s voice suddenly singing along. Smashing Pumpkins. Mellon Coolie. " _Tonight, tonight._ "

Sean sang…

> Tonight  
> We'll crucify the insincere tonight  
> We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight  
> We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight

Sean’s voice moved closer and Elijah heard him climbing the stairs.

> The indescribable moments of your life tonight  
> The impossible is possible tonight  
> Believe in me as I believe in you tonight

Elijah sat up further in the bed and watched the bedroom door. Sean rounded the corner and walked into the room carrying a tray full of food.

He smiled at Elijah as he sang the last line of the song.

> Believe in me as I believe in you tonight

Elijah laughed in delight. "I didn’t even know you had any ‘Pumpkins’ CDs!"

Sean laughed back and walked slowly to the bed. "I didn’t until last week. Bought them for you to listen to while you’re here, and fell in love with the CD. Can you beat it? Me and Billy Corgan. You’re gonna make me ‘cool’ in spite of myself!"

He sat the tray down across Elijah’s lap. "Breakfast in bed, sunshine."

Elijah looked down. The tray held a plate covered in perfectly fried eggs, potatoes, and crisp bacon. A smaller plate held toast and a bowl held melon and strawberries. He also had coffee and orange juice. Propped against the orange juice was a cream colored envelope with his name written on it in Sean’s handwriting.

Elijah looked up into his eyes, then quickly lowered his head. "God, Sean. You’re so good to me." His voice trembled and Sean quickly sat beside him.

"Read your note," he murmured, nodding toward the envelope.

Elijah opened it and read:

> Beloved…
> 
> Thank you for last night. Not for the lovemaking, though the lovemaking was incredible. Not for anything to do with bodies, though your body is a source of such intense joy for me that just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.
> 
> No, my Lijah, it’s not about sex. It’s about soul. It’s about finding the other half of mine. It’s about joining the pieces of my soul into one every time we make love.
> 
> We use our bodies, yes. And oh, how beautifully we use them. The joy, the bliss, the pleasure, the rapture… is almost more than I can bear at times. But the end result is that I am reunited with all that is best and most holy within me. With the part of me that is closest to perfect. Closest to God. You take me there by joining with me. By making whole what was only half. By making full what was utterly empty. By making me complete.
> 
> It’s worship, Elijah. Our lovemaking is worship. Because it fills me with a reverence for life. For your life most of all. But for ALL life. I want our joy to fill the world. And for a brief moment when we’re One… I believe it can.
> 
> Thank you, Elijah. Thank you, my love.

Elijah stared at the paper in his hand, feeling his eyes burn. He continued to stare as the words blurred and teardrops silently dotted the paper. Sean slowly reached out and took the note from his hand. He lifted the tray and sat it on the bedside table, then he gathered Elijah into his arms and held him tightly.

"God," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry." He stroked Elijah’s back, and rocked him gently. Elijah still made no sound and Sean eased him back to look into his eyes. "You OK?" he asked.

Elijah nodded, pressing the heels of his hands against his cheeks, swiping away the dampness. His hands rose and wrapped around Sean’s head. Tugging him close, he pressed his face against Sean’s shoulder. "I’m fine," he whispered. "I’m a romantic, though, Sean. And that note is possibly one of the most romantic things ever written." He looked up, and slowly trailed his fingertips down Sean’s cheek. "Thing is," he murmured softly, "you really mean it. Lots of people say that kind of thing. But you really… do… mean it."

He sighed deeply and leaned toward Sean again, wrapping his arms around Sean’s shoulders. "I’m tired, Sean. I’m just tired. I cry really easily when I’m tired." His voice was low, and perfectly clear.

Sean rocked him for another moment, the eased him back and kissed his cheek. "Please eat for me?" he asked, reaching for the breakfast tray. He sat it on Elijah's lap and watched with an anxious frown while his young lover ate.

Elijah was still pale and restive. Even in sleep last night, he had thrashed and mumbled as though he were talking to someone, something he had never done before. Sean's voice and hands had soothed him back into quiet sleep, but Sean still found it upsetting.

He cut the melon up into small pieces and picked one up in his fingers. "Eat this?" he urged. "Please?"

Elijah eyed Sean with a flirtatious grin. "Wanna feed me, Sam?" he said with a wink, leaning forward to eat the melon from Sean's fingers. His eyes twinkled into Sean's. "Mmm. Good."

Sean laughed. "Want more?" he asked, picking up another piece. Elijah nodded, and leaned forward to eat. As he took the melon in his mouth his tongue reached to touch Sean's finger, leaving a wet trail as he licked down its length. Sean froze, his eyes widening as they stared into Elijah's. He felt a tug on his wrist and his finger was slowly sucked into Elijah's mouth.

Sean's eyes slowly closed. He fought against the desire that threatened to overwhelm him at the feel of Elijah's soft, wet mouth sucking his finger, and tugged gently. "Hey," he whispered. "Gimme that. I need it."

"Awww," Elijah complained, reluctantly releasing Sean's finger from his mouth. "You're no fun."

Sean laughed and lifted the tray from Elijah’s lap. "I’m all in favor of love in the morning. But I have someplace I want to take you this morning and we’re going to be late if you don’t hustle your weenie ass out of that bed."

He stood up and headed for the door, carrying the tray. "So get up, wanker!"

"Oh yeah?" Elijah replied, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed. "Where we going?"

Sean was already heading down the stairs, but his voice drifted back to Elijah… "Just never you mind. Get up and get dressed."

Elijah yelled after him. "I already WAS up in case you didn't notice, wanker!"

Sean's giggle floated up the stairs then he yelled back. "I noticed. Took restraint to ignore it. Get dressed!"

Elijah threw on his jeans and a T-shirt and headed down the stairs. Sean was already standing at the kitchen door. He smiled as Elijah walked up to him and handed him a travel mug and a jacket. "Your coffee, me dear," he said with a grin, and then stepped aside to usher Elijah out the door.

It was cool outside, but bright and sunny. Elijah zipped his jacket as they walked to Sean’s car, asking questions every step of the way.

"Where we going?"

"You’ll see."

"Is it far?"

"Nope."

"Have you been there before?"

"Many times."

"Is it someplace nice?"

"No. I wanted to do things differently so I’m taking you someplace totally shitty."

"Sean!"

"Well, Doodle, it was a dumb question."

Elijah sighed and Sean unlocked the car, laughing. "Get in, duffus. We’ll be there in ten minutes."

They talked animatedly as Sean wove through the Vancouver traffic to their destination. Elijah laughingly pointed out places where he’d been photographed with Franka and giggled when Sean glowered and threw a fake punch at him.

"Hey!" Elijah yelped. "Pender Street! I know that street. We shot there one day."

Sean pulled into a secluded parking lot. Only a very few cars were there. Elijah spotted a sign and began to read: "Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden?" he mispronounced slowly. Then he turned to Sean. "Is this really where you’re bringing me?"

"Yep." Sean got out of the car with Elijah following.

"What is this place, Sean?" Elijah asked, looking around. "Don’t look like it’s open yet."

"It’s not. Not for another hour and a half. I rented some private time here." He shook his head at Elijah’s elaborately waggled eyebrows. "Not for that!" he laughed.

Sean rang a bell and a tiny Oriental man answered. He appeared to know Sean and ushered them both, with many gestures, smiles, and chatter that neither of them understood, to an elaborate, arched entranceway. Then he left them.

Sean turned to look at Elijah. He stared at him for a long time, and the intensity of his gaze took Elijah’s breath away. Clearly, what was about to happen was important to Sean. Finally he smiled and reached out to touch Elijah’s shoulder, guiding him forward and sliding an arm around him.

"This is a Chinese garden created by that man whose name you butchered on our way in here," he said, hugging Elijah to his body and walking slowly through the entranceway. "The garden has four major elements: water, rock, plants and architecture. The relationship of these elements reflects the Taoist Yin and Yang. You know what that is don’t you?"

Elijah gave him what Sean could only think of as 'the look'. "Uh. OK. You know what it is."

He grinned at Elijah and kissed his cheek. "But can I give you their definition? It's the reason for the garden, or the purpose of it."

"Define away, O Degreed One," Elijah replied, poking Sean in the ribs.

Sean laughed and turned Elijah to face him. "OK, love. Their definition would be: Opposites that must be in balance to create harmony. Everything in this garden," Sean gestured around them, "was created for that purpose."

"And," Sean said, taking Elijah's face into his two hands, "the balancing of these opposites creates inner peace and tranquility." He kissed Elijah's lips softly. "Which is what I believe you need now. That is why I brought you here. Now, go on off and find some peace and tranquility." Sean gave him a gentle shove toward the garden spread before them. "I'll wait here for a bit."

Elijah's face reflected his bewilderment. "But I want to see it with you," he said softly, taking Sean's wrists in his hands. "I want us to see it together."

Sean looked at him silently for a moment. "When was the last time you were alone?" he asked. "Really alone?"

Elijah thought. "I don't remember." He shrugged. "There's always someone around. Staff. Friends. You mean really alone?"

Sean nodded. "Go off in the garden for awhile. Walk around. Talk to the plants and rocks and water if you like. No one to hear you. Take a half-hour for yourself. Then come back and get me and we'll explore the rest together." Sean sat down on a bench and pulled his Palm out of his pocket. Elijah knew it was crammed with ebooks. "I'll read," Sean told him.

Elijah still hesitated and Sean reached out to take his hand. "I'll be right here in this spot when you come for me."

Elijah nodded and turned to wander slowly down the path. For a few minutes, he felt lost. Not used to being totally alone, he just knew the half-hour was going to feel like days. Then he began to look around.

He noticed that the stones in the garden all had unusual shapes. As he stopped to look at them, it occurred to him that the light that reflected off the water also reflected perfectly off the stones, creating a shimmer in the air around him as though light was being reflected off light and somehow becoming part of his body. He also noticed that this marvelous effect only happened when he stood still and pondered the stones.

"Wow," Elijah breathed. "Too cool!" He made a mental note to tell Sean about the stones of light, and wondered if he's already noticed them. "He probably has," Elijah said out loud.

He saw a piece of limestone sitting on a base like a piece of sculpture. Its spiraling surface also perfectly reflected the light, creating an impression of pulsing, flickering energy. Elijah stared at it for a long time, and at times it seemed as though he could see images reflected in the rock. A dragon. A flower. "It's like a stone TV," Elijah said softly, amazed at the stone's properties.

It occurred to Elijah that the stone TV had to be placed exactly where it was in order to catch the light as perfectly as it did and he marveled at the exactness with which the garden was laid out.

He wandered the paths, gazing around him, stopping when something caught his eye. He paused often to stare at the plants and rocks and water, trying to see what magic they carried inside them. For it seemed that no matter where you stopped, the garden had something to show you.

He came to a small sign that said 'Scholar's Study'. Here he saw three windows that framed trees named "The Three Friends of Winter". Elijah read the small signs below each tree: the pine, symbolizing fortitude and long-lasting friendship; the bamboo, signifying humankind's flexibility and resilience; and the winter-flowering plum, representing perseverance and rebirth.

He sat down on a bench and pondered the three beautiful and delicate trees with eyes that burned with tears. He knew such friends. He was blessed to have many such in his life. Ones who would always endure. Ones who loved him. Ones who would never leave him. _But,_ Elijah thought, _there is one who is truer than all the rest._

When he was weary and dejected, when the winters of his life came and everything seemed cold and dark, that friend was unfailingly there. And Elijah knew he always would be.

He knew what Elijah needed before Elijah knew himself. And he didn't hesitate to act when he felt that he could turn the cold and dark into warmth and light.

Elijah sat with the trees for a long time. Then he stood up and began to walk back to the bench where his best friend was waiting.

Sean looked up when he approached and quickly pocketed his Palm. "Hey, Doodle," he said, smiling. "You enjoy yourself?"

"God, Sean," Elijah said quietly. "I never would have believed it could give me so much." They embraced and Elijah pressed his face into Sean's shoulder, savoring its enduring strength. "Now walk with me!" Elijah said, lifting his head and pulling on Sean's hand. "I want you to see the 'Stones of Light' and the 'Stone TV’! And, oh Sean! The trees!'"

"OK, buddy," Sean told him. "I'm happy to. We only have a half-hour though. Actually a little less, so we better hurry."

"What?" Elijah spouted.

"You've been gone over an hour," Sean replied, smiling gently.

Elijah was dumbfounded. "You're kidding!" he said, tugging Sean toward the 'Stones of Light'.

Sean just smiled again, and they walked into the Garden, hand in hand.

By the time they climbed back into Sean's car for the ride home, Elijah had bought every book the small store had that talked about the Garden. He made Sean promise that they would come back at least once more before he went home.

The rest of the day was spent in front of the fire. They talked quietly about the Garden, about the intrinsic nature of friendship, about when they might be able to be together again, and about memories of the past they shared. Finally, Elijah dozed with his head in Sean's lap while Sean quietly read a book.

When Elijah awoke, he smelled food cooking in the kitchen and wandered in to see what Sean was doing. "You making dinner?" he asked, yawning.

"Hey, sleepyhead!" Sean greeted him. "Yeah. Sit down. I'm making you some stuff."

"Ohhh, god! I smell chocolate," Elijah purred. "What are you up to, Astin?"

Toast suddenly popped up in the toaster and Sean grabbed it and slathered it with butter. Then he sat the toast and a mug of hot chocolate in front of Elijah. "OK, Monkey," he grinned. "Dunk away."

"Comfort food!" Elijah cried. He'd told Sean about his love for toast dunked in hot chocolate when he was on movie sets as a kid. It made him feel better inside. Warm. Not quite so lonely. Sean remembered.

Elijah dunked the toast into the hot chocolate and stuffed half of it into his mouth. "Mmmm!" he mumbled around the soggy bread. "This is so great!"

Sean laughed and turned to stir a pan that was steaming on the stove.

"Wha'sat?" Elijah asked, mouth still full, pointing at the stove.

Sean grinned as Elijah transformed into an adorable 12-year-old. "That, Elwood, is tomato soup." He turned and pointed to a box sitting on the table. "With lots of Ritz crackers!"

"More comfort food!" Elijah whooped. He ran to Sean and pulled him into his arms. "You," he said, leaning up to kiss his cheek, "are the absolute best." He looked up into Sean's eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. He felt his throat tighten as Sean beamed down at him. "You are the Garden, Sean," he whispered thickly. "You carry it here." He reached out and gently laid his hand directly over Sean's heart.

Sean leaned down to kiss him. "As you are for me, my Elijah."

Sean stuffed Elijah with comfort food. All the foods that made him feel good inside were shoved under his nose one dish at a time. Following the tomato soup were hot dogs with ketchup and relish accompanied by pork and beans. Sean rolled his eyes and tried not to think about the fat content as Elijah dumped the beans on top of the hot dogs and wolfed down two of them. Then he put Elijah's dessert in front of him and sat down to happily watch him eat it.

Dessert was a huge bowl of cherry Jell-O, with enough whipped cream on it that the Jell-O was completely invisible. Before he finished, Elijah also managed to slather Sean's lips with whipped cream and then insist that he really should lick them clean since, he was, after all, guilty of messing them up. A plan Sean approved of wholeheartedly.

"Oh my god," Elijah finally moaned to Sean after his second dish of Jell-O. "I can’t eat another bite. This was one of the best meals I've ever had."

Sean smiled at him. "It wasn't much, Doodle," he said, shrugging.

"No?" Elijah said, standing up and walking over to Sean's chair. He put both hands on Sean's shoulders and leaned over him. "You went out of your way to make every food you could think of that makes me feel happy inside. It's not the food. It's the love, Seanie."

Sean looked up at him. "I'm glad you liked it."

Elijah's hand cupped his face. "Yes," he said softly. "I did." He reached down and took Sean's hand. "Come on. Let's sit by the fire." He tugged Sean to his feet and pulled him to the couch where they sat together, Sean's arm wrapped tight around Elijah's shoulders.

"You have to work tomorrow?" Elijah asked finally.

"Yeah, but just in the morning." Sean turned his body so he was facing Elijah on the couch. "You can keep my car if you want. I'll either take a cab or get a ride to the studio."

Elijah shook his head. "Nope. Staying here and waiting for you." He was silent for a moment, then looked up at Sean. "What you said when we were at the Garden… about being alone. You were right. I've been lonely a lot but not really alone. Not in a way that felt good anyway. I've never been comfortable in my own company."

Sean stroked his hair. "I hate to think of you being lonely."

Elijah screwed up his face and shrugged. "Hard not to be really when you're a kid in movies. You had it too. I wasn't one of the neighborhood kids. I was a freak. They didn't invite me to their birthday parties. They asked me to 'appear' at them." He sighed and Sean nuzzled his cheek.

"Being alone in the Garden today made me think about what you said." He stroked Sean's cheek. "You go to work tomorrow and I'll stay here and read my books 'til you get home." He pointed to the small pile of books that he had purchased.

Sean bit his lip silently, then leaned down to kiss him. "God, I love you, Elijah," he whispered hoarsely. "I love you so much more than I'm ever able to show you or tell you."

"But you do show me, Sean!" Elijah protested. "More than anyone else ever has. Or ever will unless I miss my guess." He captured the hand that was still stroking his cheek. "You embody it Sean. Love, I mean. You even love me enough to want me to be strong without you. You don't want me all needy and hanging on you."

"No." Sean murmured. "I want you strong enough to know you could walk away from me anytime and survive." Elijah kissed his fingers softly.

"Then," Sean whispered. "If you stay… I'll know you truly want to be there."

They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. Sean felt as though an overpowering force had captured him and was draining away his strength. Dissolving him. He swallowed hard.

"So… " He said, then stopped to clear his throat when his voice came out cracked and husky. He looked up and grimaced at Elijah's knowing grin. "Oh, just never mind." Elijah laughed out loud and Sean's giggle was only a moment behind it.

"You were saying something, Irish?" Elijah said with a wink.

"Well, I was trying to," Sean replied, shaking his head. "You're going to stay home tomorrow morning then?"

Elijah nodded.

"I have something planned for the afternoon." Sean told him. "Something I think you'll like… and no," he said as Elijah opened his mouth to speak. "I won't tell you what it is. You have to wait."

Elijah lay back on the couch wriggling comfortably. "God this feels good!"

Sean nodded. "You stay there then. I'm gonna go do dishes." He leaned over as he stood and brushed his lips across Elijah's brow. "Relax, buddy. I'll be back in a few."

Sean stopped at the player on his way to the kitchen and started a CD of soft music.

Elijah yelled from the couch. "Is that mood music, Sean?"

And from the kitchen came: "Only if your mood is, 'Gee, I'd love to be in a coma.'"

Elijah laughed and nestled deeper into the overstuffed couch. The sound of soothing music blended and merged with the even more comfortable sounds of Sean clinking dishes in the sink. Elijah was asleep in seconds.

He awoke to the feeling of being lifted in a pair of strong arms. He stirred slowly and inhaled the scent of Sean's shoulder pressed against his face. "Mmm," he murmured. "Seanie, I can walk. Put me down."

Sean sat him lightly on his feet, but kept an arm around his shoulders, supporting him. "Up we go." He murmured, guiding Elijah to the stairs.

Elijah tried to fight his way to full consciousness, but he never quite made it. Sean helped him undress with the tender care of a mother undressing her weary child, and tucked him into bed.

Sean stripped off his own clothes, crawled in bed beside Elijah, and turned toward him with his arms outstretched. Elijah twisted toward Sean at exactly the same time, and Sean gathered him close. "Sleep, baby." Sean whispered against the short-cropped hair. "Sleep."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Elijah woke up the following morning Sean was gone. There was a note leaning against the alarm clock. One word, written in Sean's scrawling cursive: "Rest!"

After showering and dressing, Elijah wandered downstairs. It was the first time he'd been alone in Sean's apartment, and it felt terribly empty without his gentle presence.

He wandered into the kitchen and immediately began to laugh. There were a half dozen bagels sitting on the table with a note propped against them. Again, the note was only one word: "Eat!"

The coffeepot was full and the coffee was hot. A one-word note was leaning against a mug sitting right next to it: "Drink!"

In the center of the kitchen table sat all the books Elijah had purchased when they were at the Garden. The note on top of the pile read: "Read!"

A longer note was stuck on the fridge with a magnet: "Hi! strawberry cream cheese in the fridge. Home in 3 or 4 hours. I love you, Elwood."

Elijah smiled and opened the fridge, and burst out laughing again. The orange juice carton had a note taped to it reading: "DRINK ME TOO!" He grabbed the juice and cream cheese and began to prepare his breakfast.

The hours until Sean returned passed quickly. More quickly than Elijah would have believed. He read his books avidly, deciding before he had even finished the first one that any home he purchased would have to include a garden. _For Sean and I._ he thought. He found a blank piece of paper and began to sketch what his garden might be like, using his books for reference.

When Sean came home he found Elijah sitting on the living room floor with his books and paper on the coffee table in front of him, still working on his sketch. He showed it to Sean, explaining the meaning behind the various arrangements and plants, and Sean contemplated the sketch with wonder. It was clear that Elijah had put great thought into the variety and positioning of every plant and rock.

"My god, Elijah, this is amazing!" he exclaimed. "I love it!"

"It's for us." Elijah told him quietly. "It's our garden." He looked up at Sean and quickly bit his lip.

Sean's fingers slowly traced the curve of Elijah's cheek, his eyes glowing emerald. Then he sighed and shook himself. "You're going to need a jacket." He looked at Elijah, frowning. "And something warmer than that T-shirt to wear." He stood up. "I'm going to get us both a sweatshirt." He dashed up the stairs, calling over his shoulder. "We have to go now. We're nearly late!"

Elijah watched Sean run up the stairs, his eyes wide. "What on Earth do you have planned, Astin?"

Sean's voice drifted down. "Not telling you!"

An oversized sweatshirt drifted down from overhead and landed on the bannister. "That's for you!" Sean yelled. "One sec. Getting you a jacket."

Elijah pulled the sweatshirt over his head and twisted his head to look up toward the second floor. "My god! Are we going to Alaska or something?"

Sean came into view, trotting down the stairs carrying two jackets, trying, unsuccessfully, to pull a sweatshirt over his head at the same time. "Nope. Not Alaska, though I would take us there if we had the time. Never mind. You'll know soon enough."

Elijah took the jackets so that Sean could don his sweatshirt. "I hate mysteries." He griped.

"Suck it up and cope." Sean replied, taking one of the jackets. "Now come on!"

He hurried Elijah down to his car and for the next 25 minutes steadfastly refused, in spite of Elijah's constant badgering, to reveal their destination.

When Sean finally turned the car into a small entrance drive, Elijah could both smell and hear the ocean. He looked up at the sign hanging over a small shack. It read: "Sea-smoke Whale Watching".

"Sean!" he exclaimed. "Oh my god, Sean! Whales!"

Sean grinned at him. "Interested, Doodle?"

Elijah dived over the storage compartment and hugged him tightly. "I've always wanted to do this and never had time!"

"I know," Sean told him quietly. "Well now you do. Let's go."

The 'Sea-smoke' skipper was a soft-spoken man named Dale. Their whale watching was done from sailboats rather than motorized craft. "The sound of those motors makes the whales anxious," Dale explained. "We like to approach them on the quiet."

Sean had leased the boat for the afternoon. No other passengers joined them. Elijah moved to the bow of the ship and stood with one hand grasping the pulpit, staring quietly out to sea as Dale skillfully maneuvered the small sailboat toward the area where the whales congregated. Sean sat on one of the gunnels, breathing in the cool sea air. He didn't join Elijah but watched him carefully, letting him have this peaceful moment alone to contemplate the vastness of ocean and sky.

Elijah finally twisted and looked behind him, seeking Sean with his eyes. Spotting him, he waved him forward, and Sean moved immediately to his side carrying two steaming travel mugs. "Hot chocolate," he murmured as he handed one to Elijah.

"No toast?" Elijah asked with a grin.

Sean snickered. 'Nope. But I suppose I could ask Dale if he has any."

Elijah shook his head and draped an arm over Sean's shoulder. "Even without the whales this would be incredible," he told Sean, gazing out over the water. He was silent for a moment, then looked up at Sean. "Why is that I feel so cleansed when I'm by the ocean?" He spotted the twinkle in Sean's eyes. "And no comments about water," he growled.

Sean laughed. "Hard to resist." Then he shrugged. "Perspective, maybe." He replied, more seriously." We're all small out here,” he said quietly, lifting his hand to indicate the expanse of sea and sky surrounding them. “Maybe our problems seem smaller too."

Elijah nodded and sipped his hot chocolate. He turned to Sean and started to say something but stopped when he heard Dale's voice behind them call: 'Orca!" They turned as one in the direction he was pointing and saw them. Whales. Lots of whales.

The next two hours were nothing short of magical. The 'Sea-smoke' silently glided close enough to the Orca that Sean and Elijah could have touched them, though Dale has asked that they refrain from doing so. They were both breathless with excitement and awe at the size and raw power of the huge animals.

"My god, Sean!" Elijah exclaimed. "They're looking right at us! It's as though they know we're here and mean them no harm."

There were about 30 whales in the pod. They had approached the ‘Sea-smoke’ unhesitatingly, swimming so close that at times their huge bodies brushed gently against the side of the sailboat. Elijah stared with wide eyes. “They could capsize us in a heartbeat if they wanted to,” he marveled. “But they seem to be deliberately careful with us!” He was captivated by the protective instincts of the mother Orcas as they hovered over their calves, always keeping their huge bodies between their babies and the ‘Sea-smoke’.

One of the giant mammals moved swiftly toward the boat with its head pointed directly at the side where Sean and Elijah were standing, almost as though it was considering ramming them. Alarmed, Sean wheeled to look at Dale who was leaning over the wheel, smoking a pipe and watching the whales with untroubled affection. He glanced at Sean and, seeing his worried frown, shook his head and smiled reassuringly.

The Orca stopped his forward motion just inches from the boat and stared up at Sean and Elijah. Sean leaned over the side of the boat, staring into the eyes of the huge mammal that floated mere inches in front of him. "Incredible," he breathed, feeling a sense of marveling awe fill him.

Dale moved over to join them briefly. “Ya know, up until the early 60’s, the army used to use these boys here as targets when they were testing new guns and such.”

Sean and Elijah were stunned, and more than a little angry. Being close to these amazing creatures made it impossible not to feel a protective kinship with them. Elijah’s eyes shone with tears. “How could anyone be so cruel?” he asked, looking out over the pod.

Dale looked at him for a moment, and then glanced at Sean who was watching Elijah tenderly. He leaned over the side and tapped softly, rhythmically, on the ‘Sea-smoke’s’ wooden planking. After only a moment, an Orca surfaced right beside the boat. Dale took Elijah’s hand in his and placed it on the whale’s body, close to its head. The Orca swam slowly away, allowing Elijah’s hand to move down its entire length.

Elijah turned and held his hand up, staring at it as though it were no longer part of his body, but something new and wondrous. When he wheeled to look at Sean, his face bore an expression of complete joy, and tears stood in his eyes. Dale smiled slowly and walked back to the rear of the sailboat.

Elijah moved to stand close to Sean, who draped his arm over Elijah’s shoulder. “Oh, Sean,” Elijah breathed. “When I touched him, I could almost hear him telling me that we were brothers, he and I.” Sean hugged him tight, too moved to speak.

They stayed with the whales for another hour and a half, and then the 'Sea-smoke' turned for home. On the way back they saw bald eagles soaring overhead and sea lions feeding in the waters. Sean pointed to their left and Elijah turned to see a group of porpoise inches beneath the surface of the water, their sleek, silver-grey bodies darting back and forth.

Elijah was silent for most of the trip back, and Sean didn't question him. He helped Dale maneuver by shifting the sailboat's lines and even got a turn at the helm, while Elijah stood in the bow, staring ahead. As they approached land, Sean walked to him and touched his shoulder. "Almost home, babe," he murmured.

Elijah turned to him and leaned his forehead against Sean's arm. "I'll never forget this, Sean. Never forget touching them," he told him softly, looking up into his eyes. "This was awesome. I feel as though every place we've gone has given me something so real. So healing. Something that did more than relax me and heal my body. Something that touched my soul."

"I feel the same," Sean replied. "When I was looking down into that Orca's eyes, I felt so connected to him!" Elijah nodded agreement. "And when I did, it occurred to me that I am so much more connected to YOU." He looked into Elijah's eyes. "Maybe…" Sean paused and took a deep breath. "Maybe that'll help me tomorrow." Elijah swallowed hard and nodded again.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow they would say goodbye.

Both Sean and Elijah tried to give Captain Dale more money than his normal price, believing that the soul-moving experience they'd just had was well worth it, but Dale declined with thanks. "Come back again, boys," he told them gently. "I can see you love the whales. And I can tell when a person comes here and really 'gets it'. You know? Gets what our relationship is with this Earth and with those animals. You two 'get it'. I'll take you again anytime. For free." He shoved their money away and smiled. "I know you work with a wildlife sanctuary, Mr. Astin. Give it to them."

Sean nodded. "You've got it. I’ll give it in your name, Dale. And we will be back." Dale smiled and waved at them as they turned to walk to Sean's car.

The half-hour back to Sean's apartment seemed to go too quickly. The mention of tomorrow and the realization of how little time they had left was sobering.

Elijah glanced sideways at Sean, hating to speak, but knowing he had to ask. "What's the agenda for tomorrow?"

Sean's lips tightened. "Well, if we get up early enough, we can maybe grab a half-hour in the Garden before I drop you at the airport." He looked over at Elijah. "Do you want me to go inside with you?"

"No!" Elijah said vehemently. "God, no. I'd never get on the damned plane."

Sean gnawed at his lower lip and reached out blindly for Elijah's hand. "I hope… I wish… " he stammered. Then he sighed. "I hope you feel better than you did before you came here, Lij."

Elijah felt his eyes burn and quickly took Sean's hand in his. "So much better, Sean," he whispered. "In every possible way."

Sean nodded, not trusting his voice, and squeezed Elijah's hand. The rest of the ride home was spent in silence; at Sean's apartment, they walked up the stairs still hand in hand. As Sean released his hand to unlock the door, Elijah leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you," he whispered. Sean silently opened the door and stood back to let Elijah enter first. As he walked past, Sean bent over and kissed him in return. "Thank YOU," he murmured.

He stopped in the kitchen to pour them both a glass of wine, while Elijah wandered into the living room and flopped on the couch. He felt a terrible sadness filling him at the thought that at this time tomorrow, he'd be hundreds of miles away from this place… this person. He bit down hard on a shaking lip and tried to reason himself out of it without much success. There was just no getting around it. Tomorrow was going to be one hellacious day.

When Sean walked into the living room Elijah lifted his legs so that he could sit on the couch, then lowered them across Sean's lap. Sean handed Elijah a glass of wine and they both silently sipped. Elijah caught his eye and lifted his glass. "To us," he said softly.

Sean lifted his glass and touched it to Elijah's. "To us," he echoed.

Elijah looked at him for a long time without saying a word. His brilliant eyes grew dark as they contemplated his lover. His face was sober. Quiet. Even his restless hands were still.

Sean swallowed hard. "Lij..” he began. But Elijah shook his head. His fingers covered Sean's mouth. "Shhh,: he murmured. "Hush." He sat his wineglass down and reached to take Sean’s, which he sat next to his own.

He dreamily stroked Sean's face, tracing the curves of his jaw and cheeks, one finger gently running over his lips. "I want to remember,” Elijah said in a husky whispered. "I want to remember everything."

Sean felt his will slowly draining away. Elijah was on fire. He radiated an intense and smoldering passion that staggered Sean's senses and left him incapable of speech.

Elijah suddenly twisted and leaned back until he was lying on the couch. His hands reached to capture Sean's wrists and then pulled him forward until he completely covered Elijah's body. "Lie here,” Elijah whispered. "Lie here and let me feel you against me. Let me remember this too. How you feel. How you smell."

Sean buried his face against Elijah's neck, his arms upraised and encircling Elijah's head. His whole body was shaking and he drew in a deep breath, trying to collect himself. _Want,_ he thought. _Need. He ignites them within me with a look._

Elijah felt Sean trembling and held him closer. He turned his head and tenderly traced the outline of Sean's ear with his tongue. He focused every ounce of his consciousness on the sensations, trying to absorb them so deeply that he'd never forget. That they'd be there to draw on when Sean was far away and he felt so lonely.

He closed his eyes. Sean's ear was a complex combination of hard ridges and soft, soft, skin. He sucked Sean's ear lobe and heard his lover whimper softly. And when he directed warm breath into the hollow of Sean's ear he heard a harsh gasp and felt Sean's arms tighten around him.

The body on top of his undulated, as if trying to nestle closer, and Elijah smiled. His hand slid under Sean's shirt and moved over the skin of his sides and back. Softly… slowly, his fingers moved over each vertebra while his lips grazed Sean's cheek. He felt the scrape of Sean's five o'clock shadow, and the softness of his eyelid.

He brushed the lines that streaked from his eyes like rays from a light source. First with his lips, then with his tongue. He could feel them... those tiny lines. His tongue could feel them, like small veins in Sean's skin. He knew those lines had matured long years before Sean did. That their source was the pain and fear he had felt so long ago. Elijah vowed never to forget the way they felt. As though in remembering, he could somehow help to heal the pain.

He turned his head; reaching for Sean's lips, longing to feel them under his, open with hunger. Sean moaned softly and captured Elijah's mouth with his own. They gasped as their kiss sent fire flowing through their veins. Elijah's fingers dug into Sean's back, the kiss engulfing his senses. Suddenly he felt drugged, euphoric with the taste of Sean's mouth.

"Lij. Oh, god," Sean moaned. He captured Elijah's mouth with hungry urgency, gasping as his tongue felt the silky touch of Elijah's tongue underneath it. "Lijah. Lijah. Please, love," Sean breathed.

His mouth moved down licking Elijah's chin and then lower, sweeping his tongue gently down the slope of Elijah's throat. He settled into the hollow there and pressed his mouth hard against the soft skin. Moaning, he nibbled and sucked Elijah's throat, moaning again when his young lover arched his head back and cried out.

Sean's fingers pulled on Elijah's T-shirt, trying to expose more of the warm satin of Elijah's skin to his seeking tongue. His fist closed over the neckline and pulled, but he couldn't get enough. If he pulled any harder he'd tear it. He dragged his fingernails down the front of the shirt, nearly sobbing in frustration.

"Sean. Sean,” Elijah murmured, trying to lift Sean's head up to meet his eyes. "Lets go upstairs."

Sean stood up on unsteady legs. He grabbed Elijah's hand and pulled him to his feet. For a moment they both moved unsteadily from side to side, their breath rushing in and out, barely able to stand. Then Sean wheeled and stumbled toward the stairs, pulling Elijah behind him.

Halfway up he turned and pulled Elijah against his body. "Can't wait!" he growled. "God, I've got to kiss you!"

Elijah's hands clenched in his hair and pulled, crushing Sean's mouth against his. Sean's arms were on either side of Elijah, pushing him back against the staircase. His hands grasped the banister, keeping them both upright as Elijah's mouth devoured his as though he would never get enough.

Sean felt his knees begin to buckle. They both slid to the stairs, their mouths still mindlessly locked together. Sean's hands had slid from the banister to the staircase. One hand grasped the oaken framework, while the other grabbed the hem of Elijah's T-shirt and pulled hard, yanking it off and throwing it behind him.

Moaning in elation, he lowered his mouth to the pale skin of Elijah's chest. His flesh was satin, and incredibly hot under Sean's lips and tongue. He licked in a soft circle around Elijah's nipple, leaving a wet trail. Then he breathed on the wetness and licked across the hardening nub. He heard Elijah cry out his name as his hand clenched harder, pressing Sean's face hard against his chest.

He whimpered and hungrily suckled Elijah's nipples. He was drowning in Elijah's body. The silky nakedness of his skin was driving Sean mad with desire. He barely noticed that they were sprawled halfway up the stairs to his room. The feeling of Elijah's skin under his mouth and the sound of Elijah's impassioned cries were all that penetrated Sean's consciousness.

He moved lower, frantically tearing at the snap on Elijah's jeans, unzipping them quickly, feeling a vague sense of gratitude when Elijah lifted his hips so that Sean could lower them.

He moved his tongue slowly, softly over Elijah's belly, licking and sucking his tattoo, kissing his navel, deliberately not touching his swollen cock. He heard Elijah's fist slam down on the stair as he moaned and writhed beneath Sean's lips.

"Suck me!" he begged. "Oh god, Sean, please. Suck. Suck me now! I can't take anymore."

Sean's tongue licked up the length of Elijah's cock once, long and wet and slow, before he guided it into his mouth. Elijah's pleas dissolved into short, sharp gasping breaths. He tried to cry out Sean's name, but it caught in his throat. Lost in the wave of blazing hot desire that caught and consumed him.

Sean was crouched over Elijah's body as they lay on the stairs. One hand still grasping the staircase to balance them, the other hand tenderly stroking Elijah's cock

Sean sucked hard and dipped his head to draw Elijah's cock deep into his throat. Elijah stiffened and cried Sean's name, arching his hips wildly. Sean felt him convulse as spasms of pleasure shook his slender body.

Sean swallowed the hot flow that poured into his mouth, and kept sucking gently as the frenzied trembling that shook Elijah's body slowed.

"Oh my god, Sean!" Elijah breathed.

Sean gasped for air, trembling himself, and rested his head on Elijah's belly. "Jesus," he whispered.

For a moment neither of them moved. Then Sean felt the hardness of the stairs under his body and realized that they must be harder yet for Elijah who was sprawled on his back against them.

"God, Lijah, I'm sorry!" Sean said regretfully as he levered himself up using the banister. "Here, take my hand." He held out his hand to Elijah who took it and was instantly hauled to his feet. He staggered into Sean and clutched him, still unsteady, as Sean adjusted Elijah's jeans so that he could walk.

They stumbled into the bedroom, leaning on each other, and began to slowly undress. Sean folded the covers back and they both silently slid under them. He turned to Elijah and stroked his arm gently. “You OK, baby? God, I'm sorry."

Elijah half-turned to look at him. "For what?" he asked, smiling. "And yes. I'm fine. Jesus, Sean, it was fantastic. I love it when you get that hot."

Sean shook his head and leaned on his elbow. "But Jesus, Lij. On the stairs?" He laughed softly.

"Why not?" Elijah asked with a grin.

Sean shook his head again. "God!" he said ruefully. "I couldn't wait, Lij. I absolutely couldn't wait. I had to kiss you then. At that moment. I could not have waited one second longer." His fingertips traced a zigzag pattern down Elijah's chest, pausing to brush softly over the dark mark that his mouth had left next to Elijah's nipple.

Elijah shivered and Sean glanced up at him. "And here I told you this weekend wasn't about sex."

"And it hasn't been!" Elijah cried.

Sean sighed and raised his eyebrows questioningly but continued to softly trace the contours of Elijah's body with his fingertips.

"There was only one thing about our lovemaking just now that I didn't like," Elijah said softly.

"The hard stairs against your back?" Sean asked.

"No," Elijah laughed, leaning forward to kiss Sean's cheek. "The fact that it was a little too one sided."

Sean smiled and shrugged. "This is your weekend, Lij. I want it that way."

"I don't," Elijah replied in a low voice. He regarded Sean with a dark and brooding expression that seethed with sexual potency.

Sean's hand froze as it stroked Elijah's hip. He couldn't drag his eyes away from Elijah's face. His mind flashed back to that young, baby-faced boy he had met so long ago. _But even then,_ Sean thought. _Even then he was compelling. It thrilled me anytime I could be alone with him._

Elijah leaned toward him and Sean gathered him into his arms. For a long time he simply held Elijah close. He felt him. Felt his breath, warm and damp against Sean's face. Felt his body tremble against Sean's. He inhaled and the scent of Elijah's clean skin mingled with cloves and the faintest hint of today's salt breezes threatened to undo him.

"This. This," he moaned. He buried his face against Elijah's neck, nuzzling into him, clasping him tighter and crushing their naked bodies together.

"Ohhh, Lijah," he whispered, his voice guttural. Elijah's hair smelled like a budding Spring morning. His body was gossamer, willowy and fragile. Yet the tension in that lean frame was like a source of incredible power. Coiled and straining steel encased in velvet.

Sean took in the sensations as a thirsty man takes in water. He absorbed them through his skin. He drank them, through his mouth. Inhaled them, as though Elijah were the very air he breathed. The feeling of Elijah's body against his had left him euphoric and ravenous with need. He felt his breath leave him in one agonized gasp and he turned Elijah's face toward him, longing for his kiss.

In an instant Elijah's tongue had found his, slowly stroking Sean's mouth to ecstasy. Moaning, he drew Sean's tongue deep into his mouth and suckled it hungrily. For a long, frantic time they devoured each other's mouths as though they would never get enough.

Sean rolled on top of his young lover, grinding their bodies together in an agony of longing. In mere seconds they were gasping into each other's mouths shuddering uncontrollably as they stiffened in climax.

For a long time they lay without moving. Sean finally spun to his side, carrying Elijah's body with him so that they both lay on their sides facing each other. They were both still shaking a bit and Sean lifted his hand to shake a pointed finger in Elijah's face. "Just so you remember, young man, that this weekend is not about S-E-X."

Elijah hooted with laughter. "Riiight," he chortled. "It's about gardens and whales and hot chocolate and whipped cream."

Sean snapped his fingers as if remembering. "Damn!" he griped. "That's what I forgot! The whipped cream!"

Elijah grinned at him. "Well, go get it!" he urged.

Sean's eyes rolled back in his head. "Please tell EMS I died of natural causes."

Elijah screamed with laughter.

"No." Sean announced, shaking his head. "On second thought, tell them I was murdered and that you're responsible." He pointed at Elijah, squinting his eye at him as if taking aim. They both giggled furiously, hugging each other tight.

Sean extricated himself from their embrace and padded to the bathroom, returning minutes later with a warm washcloth and towel. He wiped the evidence of their lovemaking from Elijah's body and patted him dry with the towel. Then he tossed the washcloth and towel toward the bathroom and turned to set the alarm clock.

Elijah watched him as he reached down to grab the covers and pull them up over both of them. They huddled together under the heavy comforter, Elijah's head resting on Sean's shoulder, their bodies pressed close. Neither of them wanted to say goodnight. Neither of them did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning was rushed, but there was time to stop at the Garden for one final, hand in hand walk down its serene paths. Elijah thanked the proprietors profusely, and had a quiet conversation with them while Sean waited. Then they left.

Sean had arranged for Elijah to be escorted to the flight ahead of everyone else and an attendant was waiting at the private gate when they pulled up. Elijah hugged him fiercely and refused to allow him to get out. He knew how self-conscious Sean could be about public displays, and he felt sure he would not be able to maintain control outside the confines of Sean's car.

"Thank you," Elijah whispered into his shoulder. "I love you so much."

Sean was silent, but Elijah felt his body trembling. Finally, Sean took a deep breath. "I love you too. Forever, Elijah. That's forever." They kissed briefly and looked into each other's eyes as long as they dared. Then Elijah got out of the car and walked off with the attendant without looking back.

Sean drove back to his apartment slowly, his body tight with a grief that he would not let himself express. He walked into his kitchen, bracing himself for the pain of Elijah's absence. There was a package sitting on the kitchen table. A note from Ida explained: "Your friend had this delivered. He phoned from the plane and asked that I put it here so you'd have it when you got back."

Sean opened the package. It was an oil painting of the "The Three Friends of Winter”. He slowly sat down at the kitchen table holding the painting out in front of him. For a long time he simply stared at it. Then he laid the painting down, lowered his face into his hands, and cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah refused food on his flight back to Los Angeles. He stared out the window, blue eyes searching the equally blue skies, his heart aching. He remembered the Garden and "The Three Friends of Winter" and hoped that the painting would make Sean happy. He thought about the whales and the dolphins. He thought about the love that he had left behind, and the healing power of that love that had never failed him.

Restored, renewed in body, heart, and spirit, Elijah knew he could cope now. Sean had given him that. He could handle whatever lay ahead. Not only because of the past three days and what they had given him, but because the power of that love was always his to embrace. Eternal as the sea. Always his.

He pressed his face against the window, whispered Sean's name, and slept.

\- The End -


End file.
